5 Reasons Why We Should Stop Worrying About Body Language in Public Speaking

For years I’ve been advising all of my global clients to stop worrying so much about body language in their communications. We put far too much emphasis on it.  Speaking Energy is building a new communications atmosphere for its progressive client base – one free of the “body language chains”.   The results speak for themselves. Happier, more efficient employees and companies.

Here are 5 reasons why a new attitude towards body language is needed.  

1.  Body language makes very little sense

When we’re nervous we  have very little control over our body language. Our unconscious mind takes over and “puts us in a position that tries to calm us down.”  We can’t plan for it.  Folding our arms happens — a lot. Tensing up our hands happens — a lot.  Tapping our foot happens — a lot. On and on.  Body language is a language of the unknown. Stop stressing over it and start embracing how natural and individual it is to all humans on the planet. Your arms will un-hinge, your feet will stop tapping, the tension will ease.  Take a deep breath,  find the eye contact…etc.   You’ll get there in your own natural way.

2.  We already know the basics

I was asked by a client to ‘teach body language’ in meetings.  The first thing I said was:  A vast majority of us already know the “dos and don’ts of body language. We learned it when we were young (just as we learned that it’s polite to say please and thank you). I don’t need to “teach” that.  For example, we know not to put our feet up on the table, we know we should probably sit up straight, we know we should keep our heads up and engage in ‘soft’ eye contact.  I was reminded of all  of these “rules” (and more) when I taught 8 year olds public speaking a few years ago.   Human engagement happens when we stop worrying about body langauge rules! We know the basics. We are well on our way to “good” body language.

3.  When we look for the body language we stop listening

A friend of mine said it best the other day. He is doing lots of interviewing now and he can tell when the interviewer is trying to “size up the body language” (which many unfortunately do).  “They ask me a question and then they stop listening to the answer and start only focusing on where my hands are, my eyes, my posture, etc. Very frustrating!”  As I’ve written a bit about in this blog, job interviews should focus on human engagement. Storytelling. Genuine conversations.  Both sides have to listen in order to get the most out of the discussion.  Watching for body language means we stop listening. When we stop listening we stop learning.  When we stop learning we get frustrated. When we get frustrated we…(you fill in the rest — body language optional).

4.  The 20th Century is behind us. What have we learned?

Body language is part of that old 20th Century debate/phrase: “What are the signs you are a successful sales person.”   Look for the body language indicators and you will see how “well you are doing.”  We are in the 21st Century now. People are distracted. They are bored. Sadly, they have so many things to pull them away from engaging in human conversations.  If you make people curious they will listen. And they will listen in the way that is “natural to them.”  Not natural to you…to them!   Learn to let humans be humans, not some manufactured 20th Century clone of something you “want them to be” when you talk to them.  I’ve never seen 2 speakers exactly alike. Connect to those differences.

5.  There is a lot of “con” in con-trol of body language

Humans come with their moods, emotions, feelings, histories, stories, experiences…on and on.  When we communicate with that we either connect to it or we don’t. Sometimes we have “off days” — times when we can’t connect to anyone.  The next day we meet the same people and we have lots of connection. Everything seems to work.  Why? Different day, different energy, different experiences. Worrying about body language when we communicate is a waste of time and energy.  It will only make us more nervous.  We can’t control human energy in others. We can only hope to inspire a new energy (if needed).  Or, better, yet, build a new atmosphere for open, productive communications.  Don’t try and con anyone into body language con-trol.  As I’ve stated above, they already know the basics and the rest will happen when they are “ready”.

Enjoy your new communications atmosphere free of the body language pain!

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